I am writing this as a way for me to cope with everything that has occurred lately. This is my outlet not yours, however if you want to leave a comment, please feel free.
Everyone has their breaking point and this is mine. Out of all the senseless hanus acts that occur all too often, the bewildering act that killed so many children along with the herons who tried to save them has me so confused and wondering what will happen next or could it get any worse.
Where in society did we go wrong? What changed? Apparently, I missed something along the way or I was preoccupied with "that doesn't concern me" or "no way that could happen here" that I became desensitized Or was it I was so tired of hearing EVERY single night about what a negative world we live in that I tuned it out to the point that I did not see the almost overnight evolution of terror and violence in global society.
I remember where I was when I first heard about what was thought to be a minor incident (if there is such a thing) at a elementary school somewhere in Connecticut. I remember telling April about the issue while I was home eating lunch, I remember telling her that someone, somewhere got shot in the foot. I left shortly after so I could stop by the gas station to fill-up and get a soda. As I was walking from my truck to the office door, a news alert was broadcast on my phone. The situation was much worse than a simple shooting. The alert said 18 children had been killed! My heart sank just as it is right now as I relive the moment. I remember texting April saying 18 children were murdered "18 April. 18".
Over the past two days I have thought about the whole thing and it just baffles me. Then I think about the children and what they must have gone through as the whole hanus act unfolded right before their eyes. I can only image they wanted their mommies and daddies to come to their rescue only to have their lives ripped away in an instant.
I am in no way trying to make this about me... I need a way to deal with the whole experience, even though it happened hundreds of miles away. However, I guess for me it is not easy to distance my self from the experience. I have held my little son so close this weekend and have told him repeatedly how much I love him. It isn't easy for me to forget any of it as I watch him play and run around the house and then I start to wonder if those 20 children were doing the same thing as that asshole killed them in cold blood. (yes, I am starting to get mad as I type this) I know this isn't about me but I get so pissed at times about the whole situation. What gives anyone the right to take an INNOCENT child's life? That isn't to say everyone's life isn't precious, but innocence is not something ANYONE should take away.
I have asked God several times to take my life and give those children back their's. But that isn't his plan... I learned from our pastor that God has a plan for all of us and I accept that as fact. But now many people are left to wonder what plan could possibly involve the death of so many children? It is a hard pill to swallow but we should live by faith and not by sight.
If anyone reads this and wish to comment about something I wrote, please keep in mind... just as I said in the beginning, this is therapy for me, not for you.
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